so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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