anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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