matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
