Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
