Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
