I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
