dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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