Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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