A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
