i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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