I don't think brook has ever known best
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
