my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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