I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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