I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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