I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
