i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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