i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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