The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize