I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
