brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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