the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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