I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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