im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
