i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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