How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
