scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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