I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
