did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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