Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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