Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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