I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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