Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
