She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
