Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Your topless pictures make me question reality
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
