the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
