its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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