His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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