Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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