Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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