You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
