Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize