Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
