This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
