I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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