I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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