I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
