so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
