i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize