Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
