tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize