I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
