You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
