She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
