Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
