I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
