Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My life is pants optional.
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