my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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