No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
