the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
