i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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