Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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