My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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