It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
