And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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