do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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