if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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