Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
