dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
