i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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