next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
