I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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