Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
