Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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