i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
