dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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