Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
