if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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