just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
