I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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