Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
