Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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