Pappa wants mamma naked
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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