I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
