I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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