...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
