once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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