Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
