Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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