let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
