i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
