I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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