Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
