do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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