I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
