sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
