I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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