Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
whose parrot is this?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
