my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
