Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
