I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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