Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
