This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
