If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize